I just about forgot I had this online blog up until yesterday. Reading the blogs I still have public made me laugh. I wish I hadn't deleted all the blogs I used to write in those years though. And I think my brother is the only one who reads this...hi =)
One of the blogs I posted in 2008 talked about how I was feeling exuberant in life, and that there was opportunity all around me. It is now the beginning of 2010 and I still feel the same exact way. I finally quit Bravura. Although I wasn't happy there, it definitely taught me a lot and did me more good than bad. The past year, I have grown a lot professionally. I have met a lot of great friends and people who are doing well for themselves which inspires me.
This makes me happy to say because I remember last year I was struggling with letting go of my college association and activities. I felt alone because my friends were all either engineers and had it all laid out for them, or they were serving and still getting drunk four times a week. I made a conscious decision to cut off the latter, and like when cutting anything off...I went through a grieving period where I felt alone. I took action...and started doing Toastmasters and networking events, Team Challenge this year too. Glad I did all of the above because every little thing has helped me get here. And I can truthfully say...I wouldn't rather be anyone else but me, right here right now.
Started at Willmark...not quite sure how this will turn out. This week was really slow, and I guess easy, but I am hoping it picks up so I can learn. It is nice to have it easy at first but after a while, it drives me nuts. I like to be constantly challenged and active. If you know me, I'm always "go! go! go!" Sometimes I wonder who against or why I feel like I'm in a race though. A little hypocritical because I think America is too focused on the material "American Dream" yet here I am chasing it. I do know my purpose behind it all is to provide for my current and future family, and to help others in the community have the same opportunities I have.
Interviewed at Brian Tracy...crossing my fingers that there's a future there!
Dating...I guess I'm still in the grieving period. I haven't been through this in so long, I almost forgot how overwhelming it can be. Because of past situations I had always been the one to put up a wall, to have the upper hand in a relationship, etc...but it was so empty. I have taken a conscious effort to heal in the past few years. I guess this is the first time I have let my guard down to fight for something instead of give up, and why now the pain is more real.
There have been a few quality men that are pursuing, which is a little bittersweet. I'm a little tired of having to screen, test, and pass or fail men...takes time, effort, and emotions since everyone tends to put a "best face forward" or "fake face forward" the first few months. I guess I should look at it this way: I learn from everyone and have multiple experiences from everyone. I shouldn't see each relationship that doesn't work out as a "fail" but rather an experience.
I met more great people this month and has made me think about the goals I've set out some years ahead. I always told myself I would be an entrepreneur before I turn 30. Now I am thinking maybe I should put that in my "next 5 years" goal plan. That would mean I need to start brainstorming and planning this year. I am thinking about quitting Claim Jumper so I can do just that. I would have time to read, organize, meet and mingle, and map. Sucks because Claim Jumper is a very good source of steady income. Which reminds me I did my taxes today and actually owed money! Ugh...work two jobs this entire year and yet my margins aren't much higher than the year before when I was in college! It'll all unfold with time, I am excited for the next two years.
Surprisingly I have been having more faith than usual. I'm the wishy washy Christian, who has always said I only go to church to listen to the values and association...but lately I feel more comfort and in peace with that aspect. It is a journey.
For the most part I try to stay positive about having psoriasis. It is so weird to think it was less than a year ago that I had clear skin. I have always been known for my "soft skin" too! My patches have gotten worse and now I can't even wear short sleeves without being embarrassed. I still get self-conscious a lot but am making progress. I took a walk outside in shorts and a tank top a couple of weeks ago around the neighborhood. And went jogging with Herb in shorts in daylight last week too. Baby steps...
Thinking about training for a full marathon for the 2011 Carlsbad. Hmm...
My family is amazing, and my friends are amazing.
Need to get healthier...I am giving up alcohol, sweets, and meat for lent. Haha I feel bad for anyone around me the first week of that because I know I will be irritable. Suckerrrrrrrr!
